Sunday afternoon, I get a text from my buddy Ken.

“meet us @ abbey for drnks.”

I ask my roommate what the Abbey is. He goes, “What, the gay bar?”

It turns out I’m not into dudes. So the Abbey seems like an odd place to spend a Sunday. But I decide I might as well meet Ken and his girlfriend for a drink or two.

Lo and behold, I had a great time. My conclusion is more straight guys should go to gay bars. Here’s why:

1. There are hot girls there

This is hands down the best kept secret about gay bars. It never even occured to me straight girls would go to them. And not only do they go, they go in PACKS. If this fact were featured more prominently in the straight guy handbook, I would have visited The Toolbox a long time ago… ok, maybe not The Toolbox, and probably not The Mine Shaft, but you get the idea.


If a guy wearing angel wings in a bar doesn't bother you, then the cute girl in the slinky white dress to his left would love to meet you

2. Your competition is GAY

Is there a cute girl standing next to you? Yes. Do any of the 12 dudes surrounding her care? No. Unlike the ravenous, bloodthirsty predators in Affliction shirts you have to jock with at any standard club, you’ll find you have no competition in a gay bar.

3. Girls’ defense mechanisms are temporarily deactivated

As a girl walks into a typical club, she mentally prepares to be hit on by everything with a penis. Much like the Starship Enterprise, she readies herself for attack: shields up, phasers set to bitch. Hence, girls who are ordinarily easy to talk to may suddenly become unapproachable brats. But in a gay bar, girls have no expectation of harassment — they are relaxed, approachable, and generally happy to meet you. Go to Colony on a Friday and see if you can say the same.

Pro Tip: Forget the rules. In a gay bar, approaching a girl sitting at another guy's table is absolutely permissible. In fact, the guys may actually HELP YOU meet their girlfriend

4. Gay dudes know you’re not gay

I have a few friends whose chief objection to a gay bar would be: “I don’t want gay dudes hitting on me.” This is dumb. And after being in a gay bar 20 minutes, you’ll find out why. Apparently, it takes the average gay guy exactly 4.3 seconds to determine you’re not a target. Maybe your jeans aren’t skinny enough, maybe your hair isn’t moussed enough — whatever it is, they know semi-instantly. And they’re cool with that. But even if a gay guy should happen to throw some game at you, it ain't gonna kill ya, super-hetero dude. So be flattered, and thank him for the raspberry mojito.

5. Gay guys are outstanding wingmen

Once a gay guy realizes you’re not gay (4.3 seconds after meeting you), he and his friends can become your greatest allies. Some may even play matchmaker, grabbing nearby girls, introducing them, talking you up — pretty much everything but arranging a dowry. And in some countries, they’ll probably do that too.
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